When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? - George Carlin
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Falls don't kill people. It's the deceleration trauma.
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. - Keppel Enderbery
People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. - George Carlin
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real
brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm
gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real." - Steven Wright
The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept. - George Carlin
...put knot yore trust inn spel chequers.
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better. - George Carlin
Just 'cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean that the circus has left town. - George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
One-third of the people in this country promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottle of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. - George Carlin
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