Choose your pleasures for yourself, and do not let them be imposed upon you. - Lord Chesterfield
An optimist is a person who sticks on the stamp before addressing the envelope.
Don't just teach your children to read... Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. - George Carlin
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.
"God is dead." - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead." - God
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore. - George Carlin
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap
department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
when to stop unwrapping. - Steven Wright
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. - Douglas Adams
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin
Better to be square than to move in wrong circles.
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better. - George Carlin
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. - Maurice Chevalier
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin
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