Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You know what's interesting about Washington? It's the kind of place where second-guessing has become second nature. - George W Bush
With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon. - Albert Einstein
I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. - Steven Wright
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. - Dan Quayle
It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful - Anton Szandor LaVey
Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by orginality, overcomes everything. - George Lois
We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And some people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved - Unknown
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin
The trouble with car payments is that they sometimes continue running after the car does.
Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. - George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. - George Carlin
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never
have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright
What if there were no hypothetical questions? - George Carlin
- more quotes -
