Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation. - Dan Quayle, US VP
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast. - Steven Wright
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. - Benjamin Franklin
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - G. K. Chesterton
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
- Steven Wright
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. - Steven Wright
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? - Robin Williams
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
- Steven Wright
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's
going to be up all night. - Steven Wright
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