Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
People with patience put up with people they'd rather put down.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres
The American people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? - George Carlin
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. - Bryan White
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it. - George Carlin
People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. - George Carlin
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix
Does killing time damage eternity?
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, some is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity.'" - George Carlin
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