If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt
Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece. - Ralph Charell
We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
Marriage is made in heaven--so is thunder and lightning.
Till the war-drum throbb`d no longer, and the battle-flags were furl`d; In the parliament of man; the Federation of the world. - Alfred Tennyson
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! - Billy Connolly
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin
Don't just teach your children to read... Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. - George Carlin
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap
department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
when to stop unwrapping. - Steven Wright
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. - George Carlin
Falls don't kill people. It's the deceleration trauma.
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin
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